In the tradition of Bill Bryson, a new writer brings us the lively adventures and biting wit of an African safari guide. Peter Allison works as a top safari guide in the Okavango Delta, an oasis of wetland in the middle of the Kalahari desert, rich with wildlife. As he caters to the whims of his wealthy clients, he often has to overcome the impulse to run as far away from them as he can, as these tourists are sometimes more dangerous than a pride of lions! Full of outrageous-but-true tales of the people and animals he has encountered -- the young woman who rejected the recommended safari-friendly khaki to wear a more fashionable hot pink ensemble; the drunk, half-naked missing tourist who happened to be a member of the British royal family; the squirrel that overdosed on malaria pills; the monkeys with an underwear fetish; and last, but by no means least, Spielberg the Japanese tourist who wanted a repeat performance of Allison's narrow escape from a pair of charging lionesses so he could videotape it -- these hilarious stories reveal Allison's good-natured scorn for himself, as well as others. Allison's humour is exceeded only by his love and respect for the animals, and his goal is to limit any negative exposure to humans by planning trips that are minimally invasive - unfortunately it doesn t always work out that way, as he and his clients discover to their cost when they find themselves up to their necks in a hippo-infested watering hole! Full of essential wisdom like don't run, whatever you do, and never stand behind a frightened zebra (they are prone to explosive flatulence when scared!), this is a wonderfully vivid portrait of what the life of a safari guide is really like. "Allison's writing is high on colour and is packed with engaging accounts of the sort of things that are just another day at the office for the average safari guide. If you love the thrill of safaris this book is for you. It is full of hair-raising stories of escape and adventure in the bush. Having worked for more than twenty years in Botswana, South Africa, Namibia and Mozambique, the stars of Allison's show are hungry lions and territorial hippos. There are some white-knuckle tales of dodging landmines too..." -- Sunday Telegraph "Peter is the perfect storyteller with the ability to poke fun at himself. Witty, exciting, and ultimately unmissable." -- Real Travel "He writes beautifully and viscerally about the rhythm of bush life ... This is an absorbing book: as a reader you can't help but get caught up in the author's infectious enthusiasm for Africa's beauty and its beasts. On turning the last page, booking the first plane out to Botswana was most tempting." -- TNT

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