Lottie Biggs is recovering from her mental disorder of a reasonably significant nature with the help of her counsellor, who rather helpfully looks like Johnny Depp. Things are looking up - her hair is an excellent shade of black, she has a Saturday job in a hairdresser and Gareth Stingecombe and his manly thighs are still the love of her life. When Gareth undoes his trousers to show Lottie a fetching bruise on one of the aforementioned thighs, she comes to the realisation that, unlike everyone else she knows, she is A TOTAL UTTER VIRGIN. But how can she get any sort of experience when her boyfriend is doggedly, stubbornly and infuriatingly determined to preserve his energies for the rugby field?

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