Listen Up, America! The solution to your problems has plopped right in your lap. Mama is running for president! Discover How President Thelma Harper would handle: Immigration-I'll tell you how we solve the problem at our border: build senior citizen housing all along the American side. No one sees more than a nosy old lady peeking through her window blinds. Emergency Preparedness-Emergency response should be in the hands of the experts who have the resources and determination to respond quickly. I'm talking about Domino's and Pizza Hut. Airport Security-As long as we have to take our shoes off, I will install a shoe-buffing brush inside the X-ray machine so your shoes will get a little shine as they go through. Animals-If I have a dog at the White House, I will have it spayed or neutered to control its sex drive, which is something that might have been a good idea for some of our previous presidents. Thelma Harper is running for president, and the free world will never be the same!

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